Is Self Sabotage the real reason you are not achieving your goals?
This year has veered off in a direction I wasn’t expecting (I think that’s called life). I am working in a brand new way with my clients in my “12 Weeks to WOW” program. Why did I decide to do this? Because I was tired of my clients struggling to achieve health and fitness goals they desperately told me they wanted and 12 months later having the exact same conversations with them about the same struggles. They had hardly moved forward at all. I wasn’t frustrated with them but with feeling like I didn’t have a way of really helping support them to create true transformation. I knew the technical elements of my nutrition and exercise programs were spot on so why were the results so hit and miss?
That is the human element – or the psychology of change. It’s a pretty big part of whether you get lasting change. We can all white knuckle it through a program for a time and get big results but how many of you have done that and then slipped back to where you were (or even worse)? That’s almost all of us over 40.
What I have come to understand as more women journey through my 12 week program is what a HUGE piece of the puzzle mindset and psychology really is in helping my clients achieve their goals. I have been up-leveling my own skills and knowledge in this department so we take a deep dive into this area for long lasting change. This is real TRANSFORMATION and it is what excites me about doing what I do.
One of the big things that I now talk to EVERY CLIENT about is self-sabotage. Why? Because we all do it. By recognizing and overcoming these behaviors, you can unlock your true potential and achieve long term change. We are all a work in progress.
I want to share with you some common self-sabotaging behaviors that might hinder your progress toward your goals (any goals really). By recognizing and overcoming these behaviors, you can unlock your true potential and achieve long term change. And just so you feel included – I would say almost ALL of my ladies are experts in most of these behaviors. They would laugh and agree with you.
Here we go:
1. Negative Self-Talk: Many of us fall prey to our own negative self-talk, which can erode self-confidence and motivation. When I explain this to my clients I say “imagine you heard someone speak to your best friend the way you just spoke to yourself. You would punch them in the nose”. This really is a light bulb moment for my clients as they realise what they are doing. Could your friend flourish and succeed if you said the things to her that you say to yourself? I think not. To combat this, start practicing self-compassion and positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your strengths and achievements regularly and replace negative thoughts with encouraging and empowering ones. Scientific studies have shown that positive self-talk can improve performance and enhance overall well-being. Oh, and expect it to feel weird – that’s okay. Do it anyway because I’m telling you it’s good for you and it works.
2. Procrastination: I have a PhD in this one. Please clap for me that I managed to get this blog post done. Procrastination often derails progress, leading to missed opportunities and unfulfilled goals. One effective strategy to overcome this behavior is to break tasks into smaller, manageable steps. By creating an action plan and setting realistic deadlines, you can maintain momentum and gradually tackle larger objectives. Additionally, holding yourself accountable by sharing your goals with a trusted friend or hiring a coach can significantly increase your commitment and follow-through.
3. All-or-Nothing Mentality: Many people fall into this trap, viewing setbacks as absolute failures rather than learning opportunities. Adopting a growth mindset can help shift this perspective. Embrace the notion that setbacks are stepping stones to success and view them as valuable opportunities for growth and self-improvement. This mindset allows you to bounce back stronger, learn from your experiences, and make meaningful progress in the long run. I encourage my clients to get “curious” about what happened and to seek a deeper understanding of what is actually driving this approach. For many people it’s perfectionism or fear of failure. Remember “Rome wasn’t built in a day”.
4. Comparison Trap: Comparing yourself to others is a common self-sabotaging behavior that can erode self-esteem and motivation. Remember that everyone's journey is unique, and comparing yourself to others only undermines your own progress. Instead, focus on your personal growth and celebrate your own accomplishments regularly – like every day or week. Surround yourself with positive influences and seek inspiration from those who empower and support your goals. Also consider those in your life that may not be having a positive influence (see my de-cluttering blog to learn what I do with those people).
5. Lack of Self-Care: Neglecting self-care can lead to burnout and hinder overall well-being. Many women over 40 have spent years prioritising everyone else: Husbands/partners, children, other family members, work, friends, life responsibilities and see self-care as a luxury. Repeat after me: self care is not a luxury! You cannot show up as the best version of yourself if you do not prioritize yourself. Stick with me and see the master at work. My family see me putting myself first and it sends a powerful message that I am valuable and deserve wellness and happiness independent of my role in their lives. Contrary to what my children think, my sole purpose in life was not to do their washing and clean up after them. How are you doing in this area?
Prioritize self-care activities that nourish your body, mind, and soul. Engage in regular physical exercise, practice mindfulness through activities like yoga and meditation, ensure adequate rest and sleep, and nourish your body with wholesome, balanced meals. By honouring your self-care needs, you'll cultivate the energy and resilience needed to overcome obstacles and reach your full potential.
I’m adding in one more that can be connected to some of these but does seem to plague the over 40’s woman: People pleasing. I think we all have it to some degree (because we all just want to be part of a tribe and have everyone life us) but this can be a BIG underlying driver for why women don’t prioritise themselves and their health. We put everyone else’s needs before our own. Instead of accepting that we have NO CONTROL over what other people think of us and sitting with the discomfort of setting boundaries and making decisions that are best for us, we juggle all of those balls of trying to keep all of the people happy and liking us. This is impossible. Balls will drop. So, I invite you to put yourself first. Make decisions based on what YOU want. Start slowly if this is a big one for and then expect to feel uncomfortable and want to run to undo the decision. But, once you’ve ripped off the first band-aid it will get easier and easier until you become like me. You don’t care what people think anymore and it is a place of FREEDOM. People will think what they think and it’s totally fine because you get to do the same.
Okay, so go make a start. Just 1 thing. What’s it going to be? Now send me an email at bek@theposturequeen.com or a DM and tell me what you’ve done so I can cheer you on.
Remember, overcoming self-sabotaging behaviors requires consistent effort and self-awareness (and maybe a touch of discipline). It's a journey, and it's important to be patient and kind to yourself along the way.
Sending you courage, strength, determination, abundant wellness and a big hug!
If you want more information about my 12 week program click here
Here’s my YouTube channel with lots of free tips The Posture Queen TV
